The PPK Muslims (Proud, Practicing, Knowledgable) : 08/29/15

MORE ON HUSBAND WIFE PARTNERSHIP IN ISLAM
PREVALENT PRACTICE
V/S
QURANIC TEACHINGS

ABSTRACT

The article continues the discussion of the ayah where it left in the last session. On the surface it sounds as definitely tilted towards male domination. It is NOT. However the Shari’ah does take into consideration the natural, biological, physiological, intellectual and emotional differences between the genders. It flatly rejects the modern loudly trumpeted concept of unqualified equality of genders. It completely refuses to pit man against woman. Instead it treats the two genders as equal partners in running a corporation known as the FAMILY — the unit of an Islamic society. This ayah is primarily delineating the relative positions and functions of the two genders in smooth running of this firm.

To put these three-stepped response to a woman’s behaviour in its proper perspective, the Shari’ah mentions in the very next ayah a fourth step to settle internal disputes. A family council for arbitration is recommended. This effectively curbs the free will of a man and makes him accountable to the general rules of Shari’ah in this matter. To complete the message conveyed in this Ayah, we will now discuss the other ayahs on this subject. TO BE CONTINUED.

Read ONLY, IF AND WHEN you have time and mood for:

“An Ayah of the Quran for 30 Days” -- August 2014

Choose the section you have time, in the next 30 days to read this ayah:-

Prelude: Recurrent Primary Message 1st. Page

Starting Dua, a note & The Ayah 2nd. Page

A Short Summary: For the Busy Bee Two Pages

The Main Story: Recommended Four Pages

Footnotes: For the Perfectionist One Page

PRELUDE

From the Pen and Perspective of a self-styled PPK Muslim (Proud, Practicing, Knowledgeable) with a humble submission that Islam totally rejects Blind Following BUT vigorously focusses on the Limitations of Pure Human Reasoning..............and clearly and comprehensively AlLAH knows best.

In the beginning of the seventh century C.E., the folks of Mecca and Medina had a fascinatingly unique window: they had direct access to the Heavens through one of their own. They were blessed with a regular stream of Divine counseling and guidelines. Question and answer sessions were part of the program. Even individual questioner was graced by an answer. In the short Introduction to this scheme they were assured that at the end of this twenty-two year project, Divine Directions and Admonitions will continue through the agency of the PEN. The whole discourse has been preserved and archived till eternity under the guarantee of our Lord and Creator. This record in known as the Quran.

It should sound unbelievable but factually appears to be true: Many of our prevalent, widespread and important concepts and opinions about religious matters do not have a basis in the Quran and sometimes even appear to be in obvious conflict with the teachings of the Quran. It would be very educative and helpful to discuss an Ayah once a month to see if it supports or rejects our views and actions in our daily life. I wish and hope this email generates a fruitful interactive discussion.

In the name of Allah, we praise HIM, seek HIS help and ask for HIS forgiveness. Whosoever Allah guideth none can misguide; whosoever HE allows to fall astray, none can guide him right. We bear witness that there is none worthy of worship but Allah alone and we bear witness that Mohammed, SAW is HIS slave-servant and the Seal of HIS Messengers.

Further, we recall that Allah Ta’aala has declared in HIS Book¹ “He granteth wisdom to whom He pleaseth; and he to whom wisdom is granted receiveth indeed a benefit overflowing; but none will grasp the Message (or remember or receive admonition) but men of understanding (or intellect)” and we also recall that he has warned us about the day of judgement² “Then on that day you shall most certainly be questioned about the boons (joy, pleasure).” We realise, that there cannot be a greater boon or blessing or benefit than wisdom and we wonder if this should be a timely reminder to very many of us sincere and practicing Muslims who use our critical thinking to enhance the mundane for ourselves and our families but resort to compulsory following -- taqleed, doctrine of classical Sunni Islamic Fiqh -- in matters religion.

(NOTE: I have filtered out the proofs and details into the Footnotes for those who have the time and interest for them. The main email will then be reasonable length, hopefully for the busy majority. What follows is not a sermon; I do not feel qualified to give one, anyhow. I wish, it may provide a food for thought. A caveat seems in order: If the ayah selected pertains to issues we face in our daily life with our family, friends, neighbours or peers it may affect us personally and lead to some self analysis and soul searching which in turn could be divisive and distressing. If taken in the right spirit, it can be a humble attempt towards finding the “straight path”.)

THE AYAH

CONTINUED FROM PREVIOUS

Surah An Nisa 4, Ayah 34

Men are the protectors and maintainers of women, because Allah has given the one more (strength) than the other, and because they support them from their means. Therefore the righteous women are devoutly obedient, and guard in (the husband's) absence what Allah would have them guard. As to those women on whose part ye fear disloyalty and ill-conduct, admonish them (first), (Next), refuse to share their beds, (And last) beat them (lightly); but if they return to obedience, seek not against them Means (of annoyance): For Allah is Most High, great (above you all). Yusuf Ali

A SHORT VERSION

“I am convinced about the veracity of my opinions, but I do consider it likely that they may turn out to be incorrect. Likewise, I am convinced about the incorrectness of the views different from mine, but I do concede the possibility that they may turn out to be correct.” — Imam Shafa’i

The beginning of this profound ayah which we discussed last time gave us a working rule that “man is charged with a duty-bound authority over women.” We shall continue where we had left in the last session.

The ayah continues: “…fassalihatu qanitatun …..” translated here as: …”Therefore the righteous women are devoutly obedient.” “Why should woman be obedient to man”, a feminist of today will retort immediatly. Let us review some scholarly explanations.

Maulana Maudoodi reports a tradition that the Holy Prophet said: “The best wife is she who, if you look at her, will please you; who, if you bid her to do something, will obey; and who will safeguard herself and your property in your absence.” cited by Ibn Kathir. He regards this tradition as the best explanation of the above verse. Mufti Mohammed Shafi comments: “…it means that the women who are righteous accept this rule of precedence of men and obey them……”

The ayah then immediately describes the behavior and attitude of this “righteous obedient" woman as: “hafithatun -guarding - lil ghaybi - in the unseen” translated here as “and guard in (the husband's) absence”. Guard what? First, the woman is required to guard her modesty and honor which in turn will build his honor and the the family honor. Second, woman is supposed to be the custodian of the Home, family assets and property. A successful home management assures happiness of the whole family. These are onerous tasks put on the weak shoulders of a woman. Allah Ta’aala therefore assures her in the next part of this segment: bima hafitha Allahu; literally word by word it means “that which, protects, Allah”. The free translation mentioned above reads: “what Allah would have them guard”. This is a phrase expressing HIS support - taufiq from Allah - for the woman in this task.

There are several ahaadith on the role of women in the family. One such hadith has the Holy Prophet as saying: “For a woman who is dutiful to her husband, there are birds in the air and fish in the sea and angels in the skies and beasts in the forests who pray for her forgiveness by the Lord. (al-Bahr al-Muhit)

The next part of this forceful ayah says: “…wallatee takhafoona nushooza hunna fa aithoohunna wahjuroo hunna feel madaajiai wadriboo hunna..” translated above as “As to those women on whose part ye fear disloyalty and ill-conduct, admonish them (first), (Next), refuse to share their beds, (And last) beat them (lightly).” Obviously it sounds as a sure test of Eemaan for the modern educated mind. The ayah is discussing the treatment women deserve if they betray “nushooza”. This is therefore, the critical word needing full explanation. Of the numerous scholarly opinions available, let me quoteDr. Mohammed Asad: “The term “nushooza”(lit., "rebellion"- here rendered as "ill-will") comprises every kind of deliberate bad behaviour of a wife towards her husband or of a husband towards his wife, including what is nowadays described as "mental cruelty"; with reference to the husband, it also denotes "ill-treatment" of his wife in the physical sense . In this context, a wife's "ill-will" implies a deliberate, persistent breach of her marital obligations.”

So what is there in it for us, the PPK (proud, practicing, knowledgable) Muslims of the 20th/21st century. Islam recognizes that there is going to be differences, jarring and bickering between husband and wife. To control and confine this situation, as a general rule Shari’ah does give man the authority for a casting vote and expects obedience from the wife. And there is deep Divine wisdom in this arrangement. However this is not a blank cheque to him - the man. He has definite rules in the Text to go by. A judge has full authority to condemn a person to the gallows. But is he “free” to do that?

The ayah them proceeds to detail the steps that should be taken if there is “nushooza” on the part of the woman: “…. fa aithoohunna wahjuroo hunna feel madaajiai wadriboo hunna..” which means as stated above: “admonish them (first), (Next), refuse to share their beds, (And last)beat them (lightly)….” These remedies, on superficial reading are really hard for a good Muslim of our times to swallow; the idea of striking a woman in particular sounds controversial at best to most of our minds. However the force of my Eemaan, Al-hamdo Lillah convinces me that this is the result of the shortcoming and limitations of our human mind and its capacity.

In the event of family differences Shari’ah defines three sequential steps:

(1) To start with, a verbal explanation and advice or admonition is recommended to convince them; if this does not solve the problem then

(2) Sex relations may be suspended. It should be clarified that men are advised to “wahjuroo hunna" forsake them “feel madaajiai” in their beds. They are not advised or allowed to leave the house. This will hurt her stronger and probably risk a further deterioration in the relationship. Lastly we are advised to

(3) “wadriboo hunna..” i.e. “(And last)beat them (lightly)” or “and [finally] strike them” or “beat them (lightly, if it is useful)” or “and scourge them” or “and beat them.” All these different translations indicate that Shari’ah is advocating some slight physical correction administered to the woman in response to her “nushooza.”

As I have stated earlier, this commandment clearly violates some very important principles in modern thought. Al Hamdo Lillah, we are all sure that this just signifies the shortcomings and thinness of human intelligence. So let us see what to make of this Divine proposition.

In conclusion, the ayah reads: “fa-inn -then if- ataa naakum -they obey you- falaa -then do not- tabghoo -seek- alay hinna -against them- sabeelan - a way; inna -indeed- Allaha -Allah- kanaa -is- aliyyan -most high- kabeera -most great”. A free translation as stated above reads: “but if they return to obedience, seek not against them Means (of annoyance): For Allah is Most High, great (above you all).” It is a clear direction to man to “forget and forgive” once the woman has mended herself. He is not allowed to keep any grudge agains her in his speech and actions.

On the surface it sounds the ayah is definitely tilted towards male domination. It is NOT. Elsewhere the Text has clearly established equality of status of the two genders which Insha Allah we will discuss next. This ayah is primarily delineating the relative positions and functions of the two genders in smooth running of this firm.

To put these three-stepped response to a woman’s behaviour in its proper perspective, the Shari’ah mentions in the very next ayah a fourth step to settle internal disputes. A family council for arbitration is recommended. This effectively curbs the free will of a man and makes him accountable to the general rules of Shari’ah in this matter. Men have to realise that the measure of precedence over women given to them by Allah Ta’aala is not absolute for the precedence of Allah Almighty hangs heavy over them.

To fully comprehend the message conveyed in this Ayah, we will now discuss the other ayahs in the Holy Quran on this subject.

TO BE CONTINUED.

........and Allah knows best.

May Allah Ta’aala bless us with true understanding--“fahm”--of our Deen, Aameen.

THE MAIN STORY

The ayah continues: “…fassalihatu qanitatun …..” translated here as: …”Therefore the righteous women are devoutly obedient” or elsewhere as “And the righteous women are the truly devout ones” ….

Once again this statement is likely to be very disturbing to modern mind, specially from a female point of view: why should woman be “obedient” to man, a feminist of today will retort. Let us first review some scholarly explanations.

Maulana Maudoodi reports a tradition that the Holy Prophet said: 'The best wife is she who, if you look at her, will please you; who, if you bid her to do something, will obey; and who will safeguard herself and your property in your absence.' cited by Ibn Kathir, and reported by Tabari and Ibn Abi Hatim. He regards this tradition as the best explanation of the above verse. However he is quick to warn that “It should be borne in mind, however, that obedience to God has priority over a woman's duty to obey her husband. If a woman's husband either asks her to disobey God or prevents her from performing a duty imposed upon her by God, she should refuse to carry out his command. Obedience to her husband in this case would be a sin. However, were the husband to prevent is wife from performing either supererogatory Prayer or Fasting - as distinct from the obligatory ones - she should obey him, for such acts would not be accepted by God if performed by a woman in defiance of her husband's wish. (Abu Da'ud, ‘Sawm' and Ibn Majah, 'Siyam')

Mufti Mohammed Shafi comments: “…it means that the women who are righteous accept this rule of precedence of men and obey them……”

Our’s is a very natural and practical religion. Allah Ta’aala has endowed man and woman with some different traits and qualities and HIS legislations keep these in mind. In any group of individuals required to work together in harmony there is always a captain, monitor, supervisor, overseer or an invigilator with a casting vote in the event of a deadlock. A family is one such Unit. Our Lord Creator, has ordained this casting vote to the Man of the family, thus giving him an edge over woman. The Shari’ah is expecting women to accept with a smile this arrangement. Elsewhere also Allah Ta’aala mentions¹ “…..but men have a degree (of advantage) over them…..” However this is HIS general rule based on certain God-given qualities in man and does not indicate any fundamental superiority of man over woman. This is borne out in other areas of the Text which clearly and emphatically bring out the equality of status of genders in our Shariah. These stipulate strict rules and standards of behavior for man in his dealings with woman. Insha Allah we will discuss these ayahs once we complete this intense ayah. As I have said this ayah gives a general rule for the genus. In a given case a woman may have these qualities so that she can and does in practical life have a decisive role.

“….guarding in secret that which Allah hath guarded….”

“….guarding the unseen as Allah has guarded…..”

“….preservers of the Unseen for and guard the rights of men in their absence under Allah's protection.…”

“….guarding in absence with the protection given by Allah….”

It is emphasized here that even in the absence of the husband she has to do this duty; it is taken for granted that she would do it when he is present. Which duty? First, the woman is required to guard her modesty and honor which in turn will build his honor and the the family honor. Exaggerated and distorted interpretation of this commandment is probably the basis for the infamous practice of “honor killing” prevalent in some sections of the Muslim society. Second, woman is supposed to be the custodian of the Home, family assets and property. A successful home management assures happiness of the whole family. These are onerous tasks put on the weak shoulders of a woman. Allah Ta’aala therefore assures her in the next part of this segment: bima hafitha Allahu; literally word by word it means “that which, protects, Allah”. The free translation mentioned above reads: “what Allah would have them guard” This is a phrase expressing HIS support for the woman in this task. I find the best explanation in the words of Mufti Mohammed Shafi when he says: “…It is with HIS support known as the Taufiq of Allah that they succeed in grappling with these heavy responsibilities…………..Then women are particularly weaker in some areas of capabilities as compared to men, yet when it comes to carrying out these responsibilities, they tend to be much stronger then men. All this is an outcome of Allah’s Taufiq and help. This is the reason why women, as a general rule, are less involved in sinful immodesties as compared to men.”

Yusuf Ali also has commented in a meaningful way:“and protect (the husband’s interests) in his absence, as God has protected them……. the good wife is obedient and harmonious in her husband’s presence, and in his absence guards his reputation and property and her own virtue, as ordained by God. Put in a different way: the good wife, in her husband’s absence, remembering how God has given her a sheltered position, does everything to justify that position by guarding her own virtue and his reputation and property.”

“….on whose part ye fear disloyalty and ill-conduct…”

“….but those [wives] from whom you fear arrogance…”

“….as to those women on whose part you see ill-conduct…”

“….as for those from whom ye fear rebellion…”

“….and (as to) those on whose part you fear desertion….”

“….and the ones whom you fear their non-compliance…”

“….as for women whose disobedience you fear…”

These are the translations of the critical Quranic word “nushooza” These sound confusing and rather difficult to translate into the practical daily life. A recourse to some modern and reputable scholars will help to define and specify.

Yousuf Ali elaborates thus: “Temper, nagging, sarcasm, speaking at each other in other people’s presence, reverting to past faults which should be forgiven and forgotten-all this is forbidden. And the reason given is characteristic of Islam. You must live all your life as in the presence of God, Who is high above us, but Who watches over us. How petty and contemptible will our little squabbles appear in His presence!”

Dr. Mohammed Asad is more precise: “The term “nushooza”(lit., "rebellion"- here rendered as "ill-will") comprises every kind of deliberate bad behaviour of a wife towards her husband or of a husband towards his wife, including what is nowadays described as "mental cruelty"; with reference to the husband, it also denotes "ill-treatment" of his wife in the physical sense . In this context, a wife's "ill-will" implies a deliberate, persistent breach of her marital obligations.”

Mufti Mohammed Shafi does not define this term but explains it as “….women who are straight disobedient to their husbands or fail to cooperate with them in running family affairs in the recognised manner.”

In the event of family differences Shari’ah defines three sequential steps:

(1) To start with, a verbal explanation and advice or admonition is recommended to convince them; if this does not solve the problem then

Imām Shafi'i considers beating inadvisable, though permissible. All authorities are unanimous in deprecating any sort of cruelty, even of the nagging kind.

The hadith literature is very explicit in elaborating the real meaning of this action. It is evident from many authentic Traditions that the Prophet himself intensely detested the idea of beating one's wife, and said on more than one occasion "Could any of you beat his wife as he would beat a slave and then lie with her in the evening?" (Bukhari and Muslim). According to another Tradition, he forbade the beating of any woman with the words, "Never beat God's handmaidens" (Abu Da'ud, Nasa'i, Ibn Majah, Ahmad ibn Hanbal, Ibn Hibban and Hakim). When the above Qur'an-verse authorizing the beating of a refractory wife was revealed, the Prophet is reported to have said: "I wanted one thing, but God has willed another thing - and what God has willed must be best" ( Manar V, 74). With all this, he stipulated in his sermon on the occasion of the Farewell Pilgrimage, shortly before his death, that beating should be resorted to only if the wife "has become guilty, in an obvious manner, of immoral conduct", and that it should be done "in such a way as not to cause pain (ghayr mubarrih)"; authentic Traditions to this effect are found in Muslim, Tirmidhi, Abu Da'ud, Nasa'i and Ibn Majah. On the basis of these Traditions, all the authorities stress that this "beating", if resorted to at all, should be more or less symbolic - "with a toothbrush, or some such thing" (Tabari, quoting the views of scholars of the earliest times), or even "with a folded handkerchief" (Razi); and some of the greatest Muslim scholars (e.g., Ash-Shafi'i) are of the opinion that it is just barely permissible, and should preferably be avoided: and they justify this opinion by the Prophet's personal feelings with regard to this problem.

Maulana Maudoodi, a strong advocate of female segregation and full veiling including the niqaab stresses that “This does not mean that a man should resort to these three measures all at once, but that they may be employed if a wife adopts an attitude of obstinate defiance……… whenever the Prophet (peace be on him) permitted a man to administer corporal punishment to his wife, he did so with reluctance, and continued to express his distaste for it…… not to use anything that might leave marks on the body.” ( Ibn Majah, 'Nikah')

A relevant hadith (Mishkat, p 281) states “ I said, Oh Messenger of Allah what do our wives have on us. He said “ That you feed them when you eat; provide them with apparels to wear when you have these for yourselves; and do not hit the face; and do not say abuses to her; and do not leave them apart unless it be within the house.”

A traditional and conservative scholar Mufti Mohammed Shafi specifies as: “ ….some corrective form of a little beating has also been allowed as a last resort, of course in a manner that it does not affect the body, nor goes to the undesirable limits of hurt or injury to the skin or bones. As for slapping or hitting on the face, it is absolutely forbidden…….this third method of admonition, that is beating has been permitted as a forced option in a particular mode. Right along with this option given to men, it appears in hadith: ‘good men among you will never beat women’. Thus such an action is nowhere reported from the blessed prophets of Allah.”

In conclusion, the ayah reads: “fa-inn -then if- ataa naakum -they obey you- falaa -then do not- tabghoo -seek- alay hinna -against them- sabeelan - a way; inna -indeed- Allaha -Allah- kanaa -is- aliyyan -most high- kabeera -most great”. A free translation as stated above reads: “but if they return to obedience, seek not against them Means (of annoyance): For Allah is Most High, great (above you all).” Once there is agreement, Allah Ta’aala commands man “seek not agains them a way”, Other scholarly translation will help in understanding this Quranic guidance:

“…seek no means against them….”

“…seek not against them means (of annoyance)…”

“…seek not a way against them…”

“…then do not seek inequitably any way against them…”

“….do not seek ways to harm them…”

It is a clear direction to man to “forget and forgive” once the woman has mended herself. He is not allowed to keep any grudge agains her in his speech and actions.

How should we summarise what we have discussed about this ayah with far reaching effects on husband-wife relationship. On the surface it sounds as definitely tilted towards male domination. It is NOT. Elsewhere the Text has clearly established equality of status of the two genders. I intend to, Insha Allah discuss these ayahs next. I feel any discussion of the present ayah without reference to other ayahs on this subject is misleading and the cause of the prevalent notion that Islam proposes a male dominated social organization. Far from it. However it does take into consideration the natural, biological, physiological, intellectual and emotional differences between the genders. It flatly rejects the modern loudly trumpeted concept of unqualified equality of genders. It completely refuses to pit man against woman. Instead it treats the two genders as equal partners in running a corporation known as the FAMILY — the unit of an Islamic society. This ayah is primarily delineating the relative positions and functions of the two genders in smooth running of this firm.

To start with, men have been given a degree of precedence over women as a manifestation of Divine wisdom and justice; it is also presumed that that a woman accepts this well defined authority with pleasure. He is appointed as manager, director, administrate or executive officer of the firm . He is therefore given the casting vote, when necessary. As one scholar explains that women who stand by this basic principle will accept the functional authority of man and obey him in deference to the wise Divine arrangement, perfectly guaranteeing family peace and well-being. This is based, not on any considerations of superiority but on the Divine qualities given to each genus. At an individual level, female may function as a captain if she has those qualities. Practically and usually the rights and responsibilities are shared between the partners depending on the capabilities of each. In a dispute following a woman’s behaviour which different scholars have described as obstinate defiance or failure to cooperate in running family affairs in the recognised manner or arrogant lack of compromise or deliberate, persistent breach of her marital obligations the Text suggests discussion and advise, stopping of intimate relationship and beating as the options. The last option is definitely off the table for all practical purposes in the present day society.

To put these three-stepped response to a woman’s behaviour in its proper perspective, the Shari’ah mentions in the very next ayah a fourth step to settle internal disputes. A family council for arbitration is recommended. This effectively curbs the free will of a man and makes him accountable to the general rules of Shari’ah in this matter. Men have to realise that the measure of precedence over women given to them by Allah Ta’aala is not absolute for the precedence of Allah Almighty hangs heavy over them.

To fully comprehend the message conveyed in this Ayah, we will now discuss the other ayahs in the Holy Quran on this subject.

TO BE CONTINUED.

........and Allah knows best.

May Allah Ta’aala bless us with true understanding--“fahm”--of our Deen, Aameen.

FOOTNOTES

(1) Surah 2/269